You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
