It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
