Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
