just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
