i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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