Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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