Kiss
Puke
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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