Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize