so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Quick, to the slutcave!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
