pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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