I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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