I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize