We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Randomize
