no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
