Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it wasn't lemon gatorade
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it glows. i had to have it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
