bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize