That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
