So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize