I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
