Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
