Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
