i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
