also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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