How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
