Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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