Cold hands, warm shart.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
