Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
