i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
