So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
false alarm, still single
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