I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
