Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
