it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
