Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
