farters have to be the big spoon...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
