Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
