i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
