she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
