my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Come on in and take your pants off
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