Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
