I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
