the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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