check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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