____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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