even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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