foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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