where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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