My brain says no but my pants say off.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
