Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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