i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
