I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
