I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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