I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but sheāll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isnāt very good.
Okay Iāll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
Thatās probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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