We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
