Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
