he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
