they need to just BURY HIM!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
