This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
