Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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