So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
