I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
