found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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