I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
