Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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