I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
