my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
