Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
