My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
