Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
