how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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