I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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