What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
