i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
