Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
