Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
