operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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