Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
3 2 1 whiskey
My ass is underappreciated
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
