Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
