Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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