Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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