this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
