Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
whose parrot is this?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
