You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
