Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
