Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
