allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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