I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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