I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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