Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize