The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
