oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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