y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
