Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
