I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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