Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
