she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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