Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize