Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
