Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And then he peed in my hair
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