If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
