i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
where are my eyebrows?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
