Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
