Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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