Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
