please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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