i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
